did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
