I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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