I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
