last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
