I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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