I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
