Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
