either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
