My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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