I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
