Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
be right there i have to get my cape
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
