unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
