So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
