I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
