We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
