Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
