Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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