Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
