the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
