She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
