I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
