I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
