she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I love you.
Bad choice
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