I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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