The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
