he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize