Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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