it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
