i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
