just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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