I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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