Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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