if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
