worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
