I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
