and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
