I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You may now shotgun with the bride
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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