do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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