sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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