Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
