i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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