I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
