He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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