bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
there's paper in my vomit.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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