i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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