so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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