I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Someone shattered a urinal.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
