Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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