If i come over, it means nothing
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
