OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
