Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
